How to Avoid a Drawn-Out Divorce

Ask any divorce lawyer: The only people who control how long a divorce takes are the two parties going through the divorce.

Although many divorces are finalized through mediation, a process in which lawyers try to broker a resolution without having to go to court, those negotiations can sometimes take years, prolonged by things like child custody battles, when emotions can be expected to run high. Perhaps less explicable is when the holdup arises over the splitting of assets like homes, vintage cars or art collections.

About six years after they were declared legally single, the formerly married actors Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt continue to be legally entangled. The reason: a French vineyard they bought while together; Mr. Pitt is suing Ms. Jolie for having sold her stake in the property without his consent, according to reports by Us Weekly and People. Ms. Jolie is asking him to drop the suit so the family can heal.

Although your average split isn’t likely to be held up by a fight over a winery, many couples find that certain jointly held assets can be sticking points in the event of a breakup or divorce. So what precautions — if any — are couples taking to avoid a bruising battle after they’ve decided to part ways?

Alan Feigenbaum, a divorce lawyer in New York City, has seen divorce proceedings drag out over the division of valuable art collections. But things can become absurd, he said, when negotiations are dragged out over property that isn’t even particularly valuable.

“Some of the most ridiculous things I’ve seen,” he added, “is arguing over who gets to keep their children’s toys.”

Other assets he has seen couples bicker over: sewing needles, plastic wine glasses, the “marital bed” and a single artwork.

“I feel like I spent two to three years on one painting,” Mr. Feigenbaum recalled. “We stayed out of court and ultimately agreed to sharing use of the painting.”

“Sometimes the painting is in one person’s house, sometimes in the other,” he said.

One common reason for a drawn-out divorce is a broken heart, which can lead to vindictive or bitter behavior that prolongs the process.

According to Jeralyn Lawrence, a divorce lawyer in Watchung, N.J., in cases in which one person is blindsided by the divorce — if there was infidelity, for instance, or if someone was deceived or betrayed financially — he or she may not be ready to let go of the marriage, and may still be trying to process the news.

Ms. Lawrence recalled several cases in which her client couldn’t “even get through the initial consultation with me because they’re just crying the whole time.”

Mr. Feigenbaum said some of his proceedings had taken up to six years to complete, and all of them were heavily focused on finances, with one of them concerning disputes over homes.

“If it’s a situation where someone is like, Look, I want to be in this home with our kids until the youngest turns 18 because I don’t want the kids to have to go through yet another transition, I get that,” he said. “Where I’ve seen it drag out is if you’re using the house as a means to channel your anger against your spouse.”

He said that as a lawyer, his greatest value is in having the emotional capacity to ensure that his clients complete their divorce without having their mental health destroyed in the process. “I think it behooves the divorce lawyer to consider what is best for your client, not just financially but also emotionally,” he said.

It’s very easy for a lawyer to get lost in the numbers, always trying to get more for his client, Mr. Feigenbaum said. “But if you forget the other piece of it and you just lose sight of the emotional cost to your client,” he added, “I think that can be very damaging to them.”

Ms. Lawrence said it was common for people to think they needed lawyers who were “gladiators,” who were ready and willing to take the battle to court, but that was an old-school way of thinking. Instead, she said, clients should seek a lawyer who can successfully try a case if necessary, but only after doing what she can to reach an agreement first.

“The more your lawyer can talk to the other lawyer, can have conversations, can collaborate, communicate and cooperate, the easier the divorce process is going to be on you,” she said.

The last thing anyone should want, she added, is “a stranger in a black robe” deciding who gets custody of the child, the pet or the vintage tea set.

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