How to spot if you are the group WhatsApp whinger and how to moderate your group chat moaning
Who doesn’t love the sound of a WhatsApp ‘ping’?
Will it be some juicy gossip? A joke maybe, or a funny video? Or perhaps it will be the group misery guts wanting to offload with yet more whining?
“Complaining is a great way to release emotions and frustrations, but negative emotions are contagious,” says psychotherapist Kamalyn Kaur.
“Just as we can lift other people with our happiness, negativity and complaining can bring the emotional state of people down.”
Jenny Phenix recently felt the consequences of complaining in a WhatsApp group.
The divorcee was booked on a $500,000, three-year-long luxury cruise, but when her stream of negative messages in a passenger chat came to light, she was banned from boarding the vessel, with the cruise operator saying her comments had ‘impacted community morale’.
So are you a WhatsApp group whinger, too?
Here’s how to spot the signs you might be, while Kamalyn advises how to moderate your moaning in all your group chats.
FAMILY CHAT
These groups involve multiple generations, so you don’t want to be the middle-aged misery constantly complaining about the young’uns using too many emojis and not writing in sentences.
‘What does IYKWIM mean? Why are you all laughing at an aubergine?’
Do you fail to comment on good news and holiday snaps but pile in with complaints about relatives not sending birthday cards or doing their bit when it comes to caring for elderly relations?
“Family groups require careful navigation,” says Kamalyn.
“What may feel like casual or direct conversation for one person could come across as blunt to others, particularly younger members.
“The older generation may be used to ‘telling it like it is’, but this doesn’t always translate well over text.”
STREET GROUP
Invaluable for getting someone to feed your cat when you’re on holiday but beware of whining about every little thing that bothers you.
Do you think nothing about writing things like: ‘To the person revving their engine last night, please remember some of us have to get up early for work.’
Or ‘Just because your wheelie bin is full, do not use mine. I have doorbell footage and know who you are.’
These passive-aggressive whinges may lead to your neighbours giving you a wide berth.
“If all your posts are negative, ask yourself how that would make you feel if somebody else sent them,” says Kamalyn.
“Worn down? Drained? Then limit yourself to five minutes of WhatsApp time a day.”
SCHOOL MUMS
Anyone with children will be in a WhatsApp group where they can compare notes about endless school admin, homework, World Book Day costume hacks and half-term sports camps.
But do you also seize it as an opportunity to have a go at the class teacher or to be cliquey and bitch about a parent you dislike?
“If your whingeing trips over into bitchiness, you’ll be found out,” says Kamalyn.
“Call it karma, but it always comes out. It’s a cowardly use of WhatsApp. If you have a grudge then say it to someone’s face.”
THE WORK ONE
Always a handy hangout where the worker bees can gossip, gloat and, yes, whinge. . within reason.
If you’re the person who already litters the office kitchen with Post-It notes about unwashed mugs and how you’re the only one who ever puts toner in the printer, then don’t take this into the group.
You may not be able to see somebody rolling their eyes but, says Kamalyn, there are other ways of reading people’s frustration.
“If somebody now barely engages, then it can mean they are losing patience with you. Plus, after a rant, if you just get the ‘thumbs up’ emoji as a reply, it’s often a non-verbal way of saying ‘enough, go away’.”
BOOK AND DIET CLUBS
Anybody in a book club will know that meetings tend to be 90 per cent gossiping and then a quick ten minutes discussing the book you’re all pretending you have read.
Everyone gets their turn at choosing a book so don’t, in the spin-off WhatsApp group, moan if you’re not enjoying Margaret’s boring choice or slate Wendy for choosing chick lit.
Equally, diet groups are there to be supportive but if you are angry that Cheryl is only a size 12 and shouldn’t even be in the class, keep it to yourself.
“However, if you do go on an epic whinge it’s never too late to pull it back. You can leave a follow-up message saying you didn’t mean to moan, but it’s how you were feeling,” says Kamalyn.
“Or better still, leave a voice note as tone can so often be lost on text.”
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