Tom Hanks, Rudy Giuliani and Sofia Vergara Want You To Buy This Coffee

What do Tom Hanks, Sofia Vergara, Emma Chamberlain and Rudy Giuliani have in common? Not much. Except they all hawk coffee now.

For decades, celebrities have lent their names and likenesses to a wide range of food products, including cereal and whipped cream shots, in the hopes of expanding their relevance outside their chosen field and making some extra cash in the process. The age of social media and influencers has only amplified this trend.

At the moment, it’s all about beverages: tequila, canned mocktails and now coffee, with entertainers like the YouTuber Emma Chamberlain and the musician Mick Fleetwood getting into the business of beans. Why coffee? It’s a daily habit that people obsess over. There’s a reason so many celebrities are photographed on their coffee runs: An iced latte can make a moneyed actor living in a Beverly Hills mansion seem relatable. Just look at Ben Affleck!

Rudolph W. Giuliani, on the other hand, was likely not on your 2024 celebrity coffee bingo card. And yet, amid filing for bankruptcy and juggling multiple felony charges, the former mayor of New York City announced his own line of coffee in May. But is Mr. Giuliani’s coffee — or any celebrity coffee companies — any good, or is it all branding and no substance?

To put them to the test, we purchased medium blends (or the closest we could find to one) from the coffee brands of seven celebrities of different professions and generations. We brewed a pot of coffee from each and invited a few of our coffee-loving editors — Natasha Janardan, Genevieve Ko and Tanya Sichynsky — to evaluate them for aroma, taste and package design. Some were undrinkable, others tasted like gas-station coffee and one was pretty incredible.

Here’s how these celebrity brews fared.

Who is she? Colombian actress who rose to fame on the TV sitcom “Modern Family,” becoming one of the highest paid actresses on television during its run.

How much does it cost? $14.99 for a 12-ounce bag ($1.25 per ounce).

Why coffee? “I grew up in Colombia, where coffee is an important part of our culture,” said Ms. Vergara in an email. “Colombians are renowned for our coffee, and it has always been a special part of my life.”

What’s the packaging like? The moss-green bag features a faceless woman in a white bikini top posing confidently in a jungle surrounded by tropical animals. The faceless woman appears a little creepy in comparison.

Where does the coffee come from? Colombia, of course. In an email, Ms. Vergara said she partnered with the Federación Nacional de Cafeteros de Colombia, one of the country’s renowned coffee organizations. The coffee is grown by women, who make up a significant portion of Colombian coffee growers, she said.

What did the tasters think? “That’s terrible.” “So sharp.” “Tastes like turpentine.” “Really acidic.” “Kind of rancid.”

Average rating: 1.3 out of 5.

Final thoughts: Dios mío indeed.

Who is he? Former mayor of New York City, recently disbarred lawyer, former adviser to Donald Trump.

How much does it cost? $30 for a two-pound bag of whole beans ($1.25 per ounce).

Why coffee? “I’ve moved at a fast pace, and have had many different roles in life, but the one constant thing has been a good cup of coffee, which is now proven to have health benefits,” said Mr. Giuliani on his website. The company did not respond to questions sent by email.

What’s the packaging like? Everything about it seems generated by artificial intelligence. One bag depicts Mr. Giuliani as a giant figure presiding over a small town awash in American flags. On another, Mr. Giuliani is depicted in sepia tones with a full head of hair and a piercing gaze, and surrounded by images of tough-looking, fedora-clad men and the Statue of Liberty.

Where does the coffee come from? Honduras.

What did the tasters think? “Pretty bland.” “Standard drip coffee.” “It’s like when you stop at a gas station and grab a cup.” “Not a fruity coffee at all.”

Average rating: 2.5 out of 5.

Final thoughts: There must be a better way to pay one’s legal bills.

Who is he? Canadian singer and songwriter (born Abel Makkonen Tesfaye) in possession of a gorgeous falsetto, and a creator and star of the short-lived television HBO series “The Idol.”

How much does it cost? $22 for a 12-ounce bag ($1.83 per ounce); the beans aren’t currently available on the site, but the instant coffee ($29) is.

Why coffee? Mr. Tesfaye declined to answer questions via email, but according to the company’s website, the coffee is inspired by his Ethiopian heritage, “echoing the flavors of the Buna Tetu coffee ceremony, a family tradition of Abel ‘The Weeknd’ Tesfaye and his mother, Samra.”

What’s the packaging like? It is a collaboration with the third-wave coffee company Blue Bottle, so the design is hip and minimalist, featuring the word “Samra” written in Amharic, the official language of Ethiopia.

Where does the coffee come from? Ethiopia.

What did the tasters think? “Very citrusy.” “It hurts.” “It makes you squint.” “Tastes like I know I am going to have anxiety later.” “Over ice, would probably be quite refreshing.”

Average rating: 3.8 out of 5.

Final thoughts: For all of the star boys who want their coffee to taste like orangeade.

How much does it cost? $16 for a 12-ounce bag ($1.33 per ounce).

Why coffee? The company did not respond to questions sent by email. The Hanx website doesn’t state whether Mr. Hanks even drinks coffee, but it does state that the company was created “to honor, celebrate and support those who have dedicated their lives to American freedom.” All net profits go toward veterans and military families, according to the website.

What’s the packaging like? The navy-blue bag features a side profile of a Forrest Gump-era Mr. Hanks and the words “For our troops” stamped boldly on the front.

Where does the coffee come from? The website does not list where the coffee comes from, only that it is roasted in Arkansas and California.

What did the tasters think? “Not bad.” “Chocolate-y.” “Worse than the Giuliani coffee.” “Would be good with a cake doughnut.”

Average rating: 2.3 out of 5.

Final thoughts: Is Tom Hanks aware that there’s a so-so coffee with his name on it?

Who is he? Co-founder of and drummer for Fleetwood Mac, writer of several of the songs on your road-trip playlist.

How much does it cost? $20 for a 12-ounce bag ($1.67 per ounce).

Why coffee? Mr. Fleetwood believes coffee can unite us all, or so he states on the back of the bag. “Coffee has had a profound impact on my life, my loves and my performances,” he is quoted as saying. “It is how I forged connections with people and places, which is truly needed right now.”

What’s the packaging like? The bag is simple and classic looking, with a black-and-white image of Mr. Fleetwood — not unlike the “Rumours” album cover. Intentional?

Where does the coffee come from? Unknown. All the package says is that Mr. Fleetwood is “a true perfectionist” when it comes to making coffee. The company did not respond to questions about sourcing via email.

What did the tasters think? “Really watery.” “Really expensive for what it tastes like.” “Easy drinking but forgettable.” “Barely tastes like coffee.” “If you pour water into your empty coffee cup, then you have this.”

Average rating: 1.6 out of 5.

Final thoughts: We’re never going back to this coffee again. The rumors are that this coffee tastes bad. This coffee can go its own way.

Who is she? YouTube host, influencer and model.

How much does it cost? $16 for a 12-ounce bag ($1.33 per ounce).

Why coffee? The company did not respond to questions via email, but Ms. Chamberlain frequently drinks and discusses coffee on her social media channels.

What’s the packaging like? Adorable. Each bag features animal illustrations pulled straight out of a children’s book and catchy descriptions like “Goes well with gossip.” Looks like the cutesy coffee you might see at the checkout counter of a T.J. Maxx.

Where does the coffee come from? Colombia, Guatemala and Nicaragua.

What did the tasters think? “It doesn’t taste like much. “I’m getting chocolate, but barely.” “Neutral.” “It tastes like coffee flavor in ice cream.” “It reminds me of the idea of the flavor of coffee.” “No way I would pay $16 for this.”

Average rating: 2.8 out of 5.

Final thoughts: Instagram bait that tastes perfectly fine.

Who is he? Basketball player for the Miami Heat, started a side business during the 2020 N.B.A. bubble by brewing coffee in his hotel room and charging players $20 a cup.

How much does it cost? $30 for an 8.8-ounce bag ($3.41 per ounce).

Why coffee? “Coffee is a routine, it’s consistent, it’s a connection,” Mr. Butler said in an email. “I am a creature of habit, and I like what I like.”

What’s the packaging like? The sleek white box looks as if it should hold an iPhone or a portable speaker. The silver bag inside only adds to the space-age feel. It’s the kind of chic packaging you might keep but never actually use again.

Where does the coffee come from? Mr. Butler would not be any more specific than this: “We source the best coffee from some of the best farms worldwide.” So, Earth.

What did the tasters think? “Awesome.” “I would drink this happily.” “Juicy.” “Smooth.” “Chocolate-dipped blood orange slice.” “Would pay $30.”

Average rating: 5 out of 5.

Final thoughts: Would have joined the 2020 N.B.A. bubble just to enjoy this coffee regularly.

The overall takeaway

Celebrities simply cannot help but slap their names on items they have little to do with the conception or production of, and in this taste test, it showed. Most of these coffees were forgettable, with some providing only a vague connection to the star behind them. Coffee may be an everyday habit, but making a truly memorable brew is a highly technical process. Perhaps this is a business best left to experts. And Jimmy Butler.